How To Flirt

Aug 4, 2022

Flirting can be really fun! But it can also seem really intimidating. How do you know what to say? When is the right timing? What if you end up making a fool of yourself? Luckily, flirting isn’t rocket science. In fact, there really is no exact science when it comes to flirting. 

Just like everything that comes along with dating and relationships, a lot of it is going to come down to personal preference (both yours and theirs) and timing. But there are a few tips we can give you to help up your flirt game!

What Is Flirting?

If we want to get right down to the nitty gritty, the definition of flirting is “to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love.” But without getting too technical, flirting is basically a way to show someone that you’re interested in them and gauge their interest in you without committing to a relationship.

Julie Balkman, one of our dating experts, gives us a little insight into two different types of flirting:

How To Flirt

Here are a six tips for you to add to your flirting toolbelt, both in the app as well as in person. Again, keep in mind that flirting is not a one size fits all situation. Everyone is different and has different preferences.

1. Keep It Casual

Remember that flirting is all about showing and gauging interest. This is not the time to talk about how many future children you want or how much student loan debt you have. Should those topics be discussed before you jump into a serious, committed relationship? Absolutely. But when starting things off, keep the topic of conversation lighthearted and fun. 

Not sure where to start? Check out this blog post of 100 pickup lines to help get the conversation rolling.

2. Keep It Positive

Nobody likes talking to someone who constantly talks bad about other people or complains about the vibes. You want them to associate good, positive thoughts with you and that can’t happen if you’re only sending negative messages.

3. Give Them Extra Attention

If you’re chatting in the app, this can look like finding ways to let them know you’re thinking of them throughout the day or to show them that you remember things that they’ve mentioned about themselves. You want them to feel like more than just another face on your feed. This doesn’t mean that you should constantly overwhelm them with messages! Too many questions or compliments or messages in a row without a response can seem too eager when flirting in the app and might have the opposite effect. 

If you’re in an in-person situation, this can look like seeking them out in a group and making sure they know that you notice them. Take a few extra minutes to let them know you’re glad they’re there. Talk to them about what’s going on to show them that you value their opinion and that they’re not just another face in the crowd.

4. Find Ways To Compliment Them

Everybody likes being told nice things about themselves! Remember, you want them to associate good, positive thoughts with you, and boosting their ego is one surefire way to accomplish that. Just don’t lay it on too thick or they may feel you’re being ingenuine.

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Make The First Move

In our “What They Wish You Knew” post, we found that both men and women like it when the other person takes initiative. Don’t be afraid to message them first, ask them out first, talk to them first, etc. It’s sure to make a great first impression.

6. Be Yourself

The most important part of flirting, and dating in general, is to be yourself. You don’t want to start off a relationship on false pretenses because in the end, you want them to fall for the real YOU! And if you being yourself doesn’t seem to work, don’t give up. Dating is all about finding the right person at the right time. If someone genuinely likes you, they’re going to be interested in the things you say and do. If they’re not initially attracted to you, it might not matter what you say or do, they’re just not going to find you appealing. But remember that you miss every shot you don’t take, so don’t be afraid to try, otherwise you’ll never know!

What other flirting techniques have you tried and found effective? Share in the comments below!

Kaleigh Adamson
Marketing Coordinator at Mutual | + posts

Kaleigh is a Marketing Coordinator for Mutual. She has worked with couples, relationships, dating, and love in a creative role for over a decade. She's a hopeless romantic who loves that her career allows her to help people find their soulmates. She downloaded Mutual when it first launched in 2016, coincidentally the same year she met her husband! They now live happily ever after in the Midwest with their two kids and dog.


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