What They Wish You Knew

Jul 7, 2022

Have you ever been chatting with someone on Mutual or maybe on a first date with someone and wondered “What the heck is going on in their head?” 🙋‍♀️ Believe me, we’ve all been there, and there’s nothing more frustrating. 

Trying to figure out the opposite gender can be tricky because our brains are literally wired differently. No, really! There’s been decades of research done on the difference between male and female brains and behavior. 

So how are you supposed to understand and connect with someone who is literally wired differently than you? It can be tricky at times, but the good news is that God made us different to compliment each other. 

To make things a little bit easier, we asked you what you wish the opposite gender knew when it comes to dating. Check out your responses below!

(Jump to What Guys Wish Girls Knew)

What Girls Wish Guys Knew

  1. “Gentleness, kindness, being genuine and considerate (to us and others) are huge turn-ons.” 
    • Remember to always be kind and treat your date and others with respect.
  1. “Ask questions too. I try really hard to keep up a conversation – reciprocating the effort is good.”
    • The only way to get to know someone is to have a conversation with them, and a conversation requires two people to put in effort!
  1. “Respecting our boundaries when it comes to certain things we don’t like.” 
    • It should go without saying that you should always respect boundaries when it comes to physical affection. Keep in mind that your date may not like the same things as you, and that’s okay. If your date ever expresses that something is making them uncomfortable, stop. Respect their boundaries. Never force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
  1. “I wish they knew that we want to know if you like us and are on the same page”
    • Communication is key! Nobody likes being left guessing where they stand with someone. By no means do you need to be ready to commit to a relationship after the first date, but express to them whether you had a good time or see the relationship progressing. Don’t just ghost them.
  1. “We don’t expect a ring after the first date… 😂”
    • There should never be any pressure to rush into a relationship. A first date is not a marriage contract! Take time to get to know someone and don’t let the pressure of trying to decide who you want to marry deter you from going on more dates.
  1. “Put some genuine thought into dates” 
    • Girls want to feel wanted. Show that you care and make them feel important by putting thought into how you spend your time together. A last minute, poorly thought out date with little to no preparation beforehand isn’t impressing anybody.
  1. “Actually have engaging conversations” 
    • Whether you’re chatting in the app or in person, one word answers aren’t going to take the conversation anywhere. Ask questions, be interested, and make an effort to try to get to know the other person.
  1. “That the guys need to plan the date if they ask. Don’t ask us what we want to do 😂” 
    • Women like men who take initiative. There’s nothing wrong with asking for some input about what you might do for your date, but don’t expect them to plan everything if you’re the one who invited them in the first place.
  1. “For guys not to try so hard when flirting. It can make some of us super uncomfortable!” 
    • The most important thing here is to be yourself. If you’re a super flirty person, then be super flirty! If you’re not naturally super flirty, don’t try and force yourself to be something you’re not. It’s pretty apparent when someone is faking it, so just be the real you. If someone doesn’t like the real you, flirty or not, (and there will be people who don’t vibe with the real you) then they’re not the one for you and that’s okay.
  1. “How to ask/plan an ACTUAL date” 
    • Women like effort and want to feel important! The fact that this has been shared more than once should tell you that this is a priority to women. If you’re struggling to figure out what to do on a date, you can always check out all the great deals that mutualDates has to offer!
  1. “Chivalry isn’t dead!”
    • When you think of “chivalry” you might think of opening the door for someone or pulling out their chair for them. There’s no list of things you do or don’t have to do in order to be chivalrous. What’s most important is to be respectful and kind and to think of your date’s well being. There might be some girls who don’t like having things done for them, and they will probably let you know that they don’t like it, but nobody will ever complain that their date was too respectful.
  1. “Being a gentleman is important”
    •  I rest my case.
  1. “GET 👏 US 👏 FLOWERS 👏 it will make her so happy”
    • Again, there might be some women who don’t want flowers, and if that’s the case, they’ll probably let you know. It doesn’t have to be specifically flowers. Small acts of kindness or little gifts to show someone you’re thinking about them and value them can go a long way.
  1. “We don’t care about looks but we do care about hygiene! 😅” 
    • Take a shower. Use deodorant. Brush your teeth. Wear clean clothes. Take care of yourself. A woman won’t respect a man who doesn’t respect himself.

What Guys Wish Girls Knew

  1. “We like to be asked. Asked out. Asked questions. Asked opinions.” 
    • Just like women like to feel appreciated and wanted, men do too. Don’t get so focused on how things are going for you that you forget to think about the other person’s wants and needs.
  1. “They need to respond more and not just read messages”
    • Conversations require two sides. If you want things to go somewhere, you’re going to have to put in an equal amount of effort. If you’re not interested in continuing a conversation, kindly let them know instead of leaving them on read and leaving them wondering. The new “Your Turn” chat feature can help you remember to message them back! Read more about it here.
  1. “We are not mind readers… We need you to express what you are thinking and what you are wanting/needing! Most of the time, we are happy to meet those wants/needs but they need to be clearly expressed to us so we can meet those needs for you!” 
    • Mic drop. 🎤
  1. “How intimidating they are” 
    • Putting yourself out there is scary no matter who you are! Remember that when guys put forth effort to get to know you or ask you on a date, they’re putting their heart and feelings on the line. Although you absolutely do not have to do anything you don’t want to do in the name of “being nice,” still remember that someone else’s feelings are involved and there’s no need to be mean.
  1. “Guys can’t read minds. Just tell us how you feel”
    • I’ll say it again. Communication 👏is 👏key.👏 This goes for any relationship in your life – someone you’re going on dates with, someone you’re in a committed relationship with, and someday your future spouse. If you don’t express what you want and need, you can’t get upset when those wants and needs aren’t met.
  1. “Guys are stupid and we need you to be calm and patient with us.” 
    • It’s probably safe to assume that you should never call a guy (or anyone for that matter) stupid, but remember that guys’ and girls’ brains work differently. Things that are clear and obvious to you may not be obvious to them. 
  1. “Guys LOVE to be asked out, or asked for our number” 
    • You know that warm fuzzy feeling that you get when a guy shows interest in you? Guys feel that too! Don’t be afraid to be the first one to make a move! There may be some guys who don’t like it, and that’s okay, but everyone likes being made to feel important and valued.  
  1. “We just want to feel appreciated” 
    • Doesn’t everybody? Find small ways to show them that you care. It will go a long way. (Hmm.. this is feeling like a theme. I think both guys and girls just want to be appreciated and respected.) 
  1. “What do they really want to do on dates?”
    • Alright so from our “What Girls Want Guys To Know” section, we’ve established that women like men who plan thorough dates. But sometimes men need a little bit of help getting started. Don’t be afraid to give suggestions on things that you like to do so that the date is enjoyable for both of you!
  1. Ghosting is rarely the solution. Just tell us you don’t like us! So much better in the long run” 
    • I think sometimes girls ghost guys because they think that will be nicer than being honest if they’re not interested in a guy. But think about how much it sucks to be on the other end – left wondering and guessing what the other person is thinking. While there’s no way to make rejection sting any less, it’s usually less painful for everyone involved to just rip off the bandaid.
  1. “That they can start the conversation too” 
    • Having a conversation is the only way to get to know someone. It can be scary to be the first one to break the ice, but remember that it can be scary for the guy too! Remember that they’re already at least somewhat interested in you because they swiped up, so you have nothing to lose by reaching out first. (And if you’re not interested in starting a conversation with them, why did you swipe up in the first place? 🤷‍♂️)
  1. “How to actually say you’re not interested instead of “rescheduling” for forever.”
    • Again, don’t be afraid of being direct. You absolutely do not have to go on a date with someone if you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable. It’s better to be direct about your feelings and intentions. Rescheduling may seem like the nice thing to do or might be the easy way out, but at the end of the day, “rescheduling” without an intention of ever actually following through is just dishonest and hurtful.
  1. “Don’t ghost. Just say ‘thanks no.’” 
    • Starting to sound a bit like a broken record here, but don’t be afraid to be direct. It’s just better for everyone in the end.
  1. “It means the world when you text first!” 
    • There are a few themes from all of these answers and one of them is clearly that men like feeling appreciated and wanted just as much as women do. Just like you shouldn’t be afraid to express when you are not interested in someone, don’t be afraid to express when you are! Make a move and you might be surprised what can happen. 😘

Taking Action

Instead of reading the above responses and immediately taking offense, think instead how you can be better. Sure, you may do or not do all of the things mentioned, but there’s gotta be somewhere you can improve. (We all have improvements that need to be made, right?) So pick a couple of things you can improve on, and resolve to be just a little bit better at those things next time you start a conversation or go on a date.

Kaleigh Adamson
Marketing Coordinator at Mutual | + posts

Kaleigh is a Marketing Coordinator for Mutual. She has worked with couples, relationships, dating, and love in a creative role for over a decade. She's a hopeless romantic who loves that her career allows her to help people find their soulmates. She downloaded Mutual when it first launched in 2016, coincidentally the same year she met her husband! They now live happily ever after in the Midwest with their two kids and dog.


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