Burnout. Fatigue. Boredom. Disinterest. Overwhelm. These are all feelings we’ve felt when the pressure of dating and dating apps just gets to be too much. Without the right habits and tools put into practice, it can be easy to slip into dating app burnout and totally disconnect from the people on the other side of the app.
I mean, when you’re swiping through nearly an entire singles ward of people in a single day, it would make sense that your brain would start to go into overload mode! So how do you cope when you start to feel yourself turning into a swiping zombie?
We recently made a post about all the things we’ve done on our end to help foster more genuine connections (read that post here!) Now let’s talk about dating habits YOU can implement to help get you in the right frame of mind for a swipe session, as well as unhealthy dating app habits to avoid.
Unhealthy Dating App Habits to Avoid:
Below you’ll find a list of unhealthy dating habits to avoid that can hurt you mentally, emotionally, and in some cases even potentially in the algorithm. We’ve also included a list of healthy dating habits to start practicing to take care of yourself and help enhance your in-app dating experience.
- Always looking for the next best thing. If you always think something better is out there, you’re never going to be happy with what you have. Don’t give up on your standards, but don’t expect to find perfection either. Of the 44% of single adults who are currently looking, only 16% are looking for casual dates according to Pew Research Center. That’s 84% that are open to a committed relationship! People don’t want to be another notch in your belt, they want connection and commitment.
- Swiping up as often as possible for an ego boost. In a famous experiment known as the “jam experiment” scientists found that grocery shoppers were more likely to make a decision when they had 6 jam options to choose from rather than 24 or 30 options. Similarly, if you have too many options to choose from in your matches, chances are that you’re not going to make a decision at all. This “analysis paralysis” is partially caused by the fear that there may be a better choice out there, even if the option you have is what you previously wanted. Your brain just goes into overload. All those bulk matches may feel good in the moment, but in the end, the lack of genuine connection could backfire and make you feel worse. Intentional swiping will lead to greater chances of a connection and in turn, greater chances for a lasting relationship.
- Letting matches expire. You wouldn’t ask someone for their phone number if you had no intention of calling or texting them (and if you would, we would encourage therapy… sounds like there is some ‘stuff’ for you to work through.) Message your matches within a timely manner so they don’t expire and you actually have the opportunity to chat. Currently, the majority of matches made on Mutual actually start a conversation. Conversations are happening… are you part of them? Put in a little effort and you’ll be surprised what can happen. It’s easy to complain about your love life, but if you aren’t doing anything about it… 🤷
- Hookup mentality. Sorry, but you’re just not going to find your eternal companion by finding someone new to make out with every other night. Physical connection is important in any romantic relationship, but it should come with an emotional and mental connection. (Have you read the book, ‘How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”? Highly recommend.)
Swiping when you are in the wrong state of mind. Having the right mentality is everything. Don’t swipe when you are feeling lonely, bored, horny, or tired. If you are in a mental state of needing instant gratification, you start to view each profile as an object to be used rather than a person with feelings.
Healthy Dating Habits to Practice:
Those were the ‘Not To Dos.’ Below is a list of healthy dating habits ‘To Do’ that will help enhance your in-app dating experience.
- Have a good attitude. Your brain really is so powerful and a good pep talk can change your whole perspective. Talk yourself up before you start swiping. You are a catch! There are good people on the dating app and you WILL find them! Also consider starting a swiping sesh after finishing something that puts you in a good mood, such as a workout or a good meal, so you already have feel-good endorphins in your system.
- Swipe with intention. Are we starting to sound like a broken record? Intentional swiping leads to more genuine connections. Swipe with the mentality of looking for someone to date, not just an ego boost or a hookup.
- Message your matches. We really can’t say it enough times. Conversation 👏 leads 👏 to 👏 connection. 👏 You can’t complain that dating apps are the worst if you never do more than swipe. 97% of our community has at least one match currently. Chances are, there is someone you can start a conversation with right now! If you happen to be part of that 3% that doesn’t currently have any matches, try sending a note or boosting your profile. Or, you can try the good ol’ ‘Swipe Up’ approach. People like you! Give them a chance to surprise you.
- Remember that every profile is a real person. As with any form of social media or online platform, it can be really easy to forget that behind every profile is a real person with hopes, feelings, dreams, and fears. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, over two-thirds of single adults who are currently looking for a relationship reported that their dating life is going “not too well” or “not well at all.” Be kind when interacting with others – everyone is trying to figure it out. Only swipe up on someone if you have the intention of seeing where it could go, because there’s nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to be ghosted. Remember the golden rule and always treat others the way you would want to be treated.
- Be respectful. Not every match that you make is going to become your happily ever after, and that’s okay! There are thousands of Mutual accounts created every week, so just because you’re not having luck this week doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone on Mutual for you. Understand that with dating there is bound to be some rejection. In turn, you’ll do some rejecting. Be respectful of people’s wishes and try not to take it too personally if things don’t work out. This by no means is a reflection of your self worth or value as a human being. Keep trying and eventually, you will find your person. (Read our post “Your Worth Is Not Your Marital Status” here.)
When it comes down to it, even when you put into practice all the best self care and dating app habits, it can still be a little overwhelming. Don’t be afraid to take a break for a little bit and focus on you. But don’t stay away for too long! In 2019, The Knot concluded that “Dating Apps are the most popular way to meet a spouse” and that 1 in 4 couples meet in a dating app, so there’s a good chance that you’ll end up meeting your future spouse online.
Just give it time. Don’t try and rush things and don’t try and force things. Keep taking care of yourself and keep doing your part and putting in the effort and eventually, you’ll find that special person and everything will work out. 💕
Kaleigh Adamson
Kaleigh is a Marketing Coordinator for Mutual, where she leads all copywriting, blog management, and brand ambassador programs. She has worked with couples, relationships, dating, and love in a creative role for over ten years. She's a hopeless romantic who loves that her career allows her to help people find their soulmates. She downloaded Mutual when it first launched in 2016, coincidentally the same year she met her husband! They now live happily ever after in South Carolina with their two kids and dog.
This doesn’t help. Mutual hasn’t worked for me in 3 years
I’m so sorry! I promise it works! I read a success story the other day and her husband had been on the app for 3 days while she had been on for 2 years before they met. Sometimes it takes a while and a lot of effort but you got this 🙂