We need to talk. About ghosting…
Are you experiencing something like this:
> You Matched! You send a great message and sparks fly as you exchange a few times with a new cutie on Mutual.
>Then seemingly out of nowhere–they disappear!
>Maybe you went on a couple of dates and then suddenly your texts start to go unanswered.
Listen, you’re not alone if this is happening to you. And the person(s) who ghosts you, bears the responsibility of their lack of communication. That’s not yours to force or be accountable for.
However, if getting ghosted is a PATTERN that you experience again and again, it’s time to be frank. If you are the common denominator to this repeat situation, understanding why is the best way to stop it from happening again!
It’s true that you can’t control other people, but identifying common “themes” in your dating life can reveal a behavior that you may not be aware of–a behavior or a way of presenting yourself that elicits an unwanted response from the people you pursue. And there IS a reason that you may be triggering a “ghost” reaction to how you date!
Ghosting is typically the easy way out, right? It’s running away from an uncomfortable situation and avoiding vulnerability.
And if you’re getting ghosted REGULARLY (or multiple times,) that’s likely an indicator that you aren’t leaving space in your interactions for open communication. This could be because you’re so excited for a new connection that you’re coming on too strong (too much investment without proper trust building,) you’re trying to “force” things to workout (because you’re done being single,) or you’re not listening as much as you might think you are!
If any or all of these things are true for you, it’s also totally okay. You can turn things around for yourself at any moment. The first step is awareness–so you’re already making progress just by reading this post…
Take inventory of the way you go about connecting with new people.
Are you intentional about WHO you connect with? Meaning, are you able to identify who would be a good fit for you to go out with in the first place?
Are you building trust, repoire, and good communication when you go on dates/chat on the app?
Do you know how to have a fun first date that allows you to get to know each other without too much pressure?
Ghosting is a new-ish and growing phenomenon, and my professional opinion is that it comes from how bad our society is at dating. If you don’t feel like you know how to date well, or embarrassed to ask for help, I hope you’ll find comfort in knowing that NO ONE KNOWS. No one taught us how to date in 2022. There’s no handbook for the integration of social media and apps into how we find our forever partner.
And that fact has left so many singles reeling. Everyone is trying to figure it out, only to get match after match disappear after two weeks of talking and never leading to more.
This is LITERALLY why I became a dating coach! I didn’t know either. And I started dating right when Tinder and IG first entered the scene. It felt like a nightmare to try to navigate on my own, and I made my own share of many, MANY mistakes.
But guess what?
I STILL GOT MARRIED.
Eventually, I mapped my own dating patterns that lead me to the outcomes I didn’t want. I learned how to love first dates and genuinely have fun while dating to eventually build a healthy relationship that lead to marriage. So you can, too!
This can only happen when you take responsibility for yourself, though. You’ve got to be able to accept when it’s YOUR behavior that’s causing you failure–in order to be able to step into success.
If you’re getting ghosted right now, and it happens a lot, I’m sorry. That absolutely sucks. AND you can turn that around by addressing how you may be contributing to it. Personal responsibility is how you create personal wins!
You have so much power in dating, and your life overall. Step into that power. Let your patterns guide you to deeper awareness.
You’re amazing. Thank you for being you. Now go out there and turn things around for yourself.
Liv Talley Dating Coach