Everybody eats. Everybody needs to eat daily. It’s not a question of whether you’re at the right point in your life or worthy of it. Your body needs food, so you eat to survive. Simple as that. Just like we all need to eat, we all need the companionship of other people. It’s been scientifically proven that people need other people.
Although companionship can come in many forms, it’s no secret that romantic relationships are a kind of companionship that most of us will seek out at some point in our lives. Dating can be difficult, but sometimes, we make things way more complicated than they have to be. Having dinner together doesn’t have to be made out to be a big deal or even called a “date.” It’s simply an opportunity to spend time with and converse with another person, and this opportunity – dinner – exists 365 days a year.
This February, Mutual is issuing a Dinner Invitation Challenge. Contrary to what you may think, this isn’t about asking someone on a date. Sometimes, by calling it a “date,” we overlook a step that happens way before the date takes place, which can have significantly less pressure for the inviter and the invitee. This seven-word question can be rehearsed, easily memorized, and used to invite someone to get to know you and vice versa: “Would you like to have dinner together?”
While dinner, as a meal, can look different from family to family, it has historically been a time to update each other on your lives, discuss current events, and learn more about your table partners. Whether you’re single, living with family, in a relationship, or living alone, conversation is necessary for us to learn about others and ourselves.
Michael Kardas, PhD, has studied the science of conversation. “People’s well-being is determined in large part by the quality of their social relationships, which rely heavily on conversations that they have with each other,” he says. “Going a little deeper in conversation, as well as learning to navigate disagreements, can create the kinds of connections that leave people feeling happier.”
A simple dinner invitation is how it all started for Bob Carroll, co-founder of Mutual, not realizing at the time that it would evolve into something more.
“I asked a mutual friend to dinner in February and was married to her in August of the same year. It was not a date, but the conversation was engaging, and our interests were similar. It ended with a simple hug, and there was no discussion about seeing each other again. We will head back to the same diner along Pacific Coast Highway in Southern California this month to celebrate our 36th date-iversary.”
A pair of BYU professors host the “Dating Made Simple” podcast with a similar charge. Co-host Tom Robinson met his wife three years ago on a dating app, so he understands the challenges of single life. “Our young single adults need opportunities to practice and improve their communication skills while dating. Dinner is the perfect opportunity to do that. For BYU students, Mutual has been a godsend. We promote it on our podcast because they prioritize authenticity and safety.”
So why this challenge? And why now? Well, Valentine’s Day in February creates a lot of pressure for single adults, but it shouldn’t be the focus of the entire month. There are 28 other days (happy leap year!) of the month besides Valentine’s Day to focus on, too! We want daters to match with someone, and after a little chatting, just ask them to dinner and let the conversation happen naturally. If things go well, you can use the follow-up conversation to ask them on a date. This “simply dinner” approach sets more casual expectations and will reduce the pressure to help you really get to know your dinner partner.
Need ideas of where to go to dinner? Check out the Tonite app – an app full of deals on dining, activities, and entertainment all in one place!
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