Written by Liv Talley, LDS Dating Coach & Expert
Hello again my love,
Welcome to part 2 of the self-image series!
This is where I talk to you about collapsing time. You ready?
If you follow me elsewhere, I’ve been talking a lot about “quantum dating.” Basically, what I mean by that is to date from a place of actually combining your past with your present and your future. It’s taking time from being linear, and feeling how it all exists at once.
You see, I had to actually go back in time and see where I created the perception of abandonment. While as an adult I can say that I didn’t literally get abandoned, I still have to hold space for and love the little kid who perceived it happening. I still have to nurture her, see her, and validate her. This is where I use the Atonement and the power of Jesus Christ.
Through Christ (and the knowledgeable mentors who could show me what I didn’t even know I didn’t know, what I couldn’t see that I wasn’t seeing,) I can understand where I had a misunderstanding, and how it had a major impact in my life for so long. I not only had to acknowledge that little girl who perceived something incorrectly, but I also have to go through and heal where I acted it out as an adult.
Until you heal something from your past, it’s going to keep showing up as an adult. AND there’s a silver lining…
When something shows up as a past pattern as an adult and you become conscious of it, you have this beautiful and profound moment to create a miracle.
If you can become conscious of something triggering you in a moment, know where it comes from, feel yourself start to get reactive, and PAUSE–
You now have an opportunity to say “oh, this is really getting to me because of x, y, z. I can see why it affected me. I can see how I have tried, for years, to heal that perception by perpetuating the experience. AND right now, in this moment, I choose not to react as I’ve always reacted, but to respond from a place of who I want to be instead.”
When I was dating my husband, we had a big miscommunication–which happened to me a lot in dating, especially around the DTR thing. I would think that we were having one conversation, and he would think that we were having another conversation, and that’s where things would keep falling apart.
I had a childhood wound with communication, so when this happened with my husband (where I thought we had DTR’d and he didn’t), I could have gotten really reactive, embarrassed and walked away. That had historically been my pattern. Instead, when I became conscious of this past and this perception, I chose to pause and choose a different reaction. I could see why I created that perception, that it was a misunderstanding, and that I could choose to act a different way. I could choose to communicate through it. I chose to say “My bad, I thought we had decided something together and I see now that I understood something different from our conversation. Where are you at? Here’s where I am…”
That vulnerability and that openness to create something new and have a new outcome, instead of bailing like I always did, is where I healed my past.
And I didn’t see it come up again. This is how I collapsed my timeline. I saw where past me would react, and I made a decision to act as future me. Future me wanted to be in a relationship, to be able to communicate and be vulnerable. So I had to choose to communicate and be open and vulnerable in this moment. It was a very conscious decision.
At the same time, I ask for forgiveness and healing for all of the times that I did not do this. All the times that I messed up, Jesus could heal me from that. Then I was healed from that pattern. This concept is so powerful, and so transformational. Being able to work with so many clients, and even myself, on self image in this way is how I have been able to heal my past and bring my future into the present all at the same time. Identify who you have been and see where it is incongruent with your divine identity, and choose a new perception that does align with your divine identity.
In case this isn’t blowing your mind yet, I hear a lot of coaches that will say “there’s no such thing as overnight success. There’s no such thing as instant results. It’s not reasonable or logical.” And that’s absolutely true. It’s not reasonable or logical AND through the power of faith it actually is possible. It is possible to change in an instant because of the power of Jesus Christ.
We see this through so many stories in the Bible.
When Jesus healed the man’s eyes, it wasn’t a process. Jesus didn’t tell him to do affirmations for several weeks, or do any exercises, or experiment for any amount of time to improve his eyesight. He literally healed him in an instant. You can do that! You can do that with your self image. You can heal yourself in a literal instant. That is the power of the Atonement. That is a dynamic that is unique, to be totally honest, that I personally bring as a coach. I operate in the space of utilizing the Atonement and knowing how to cultivate miracles.
Cultivating miracles in the scientific community is called quantum leaping. This is basically like the blind man going from completely blind to total sight. The Bible of course doesn’t give specifics. But based on my experiences of many quantum leaps and witnessing many miracles, there doesn’t always have to be this long, arduous process between where you are right now and where you want to be.
What I always tell my clients is the only thing that exists in the space between what you want and actually having it, is NOT time, it’s NOT hard work, it is whatever is required of you to believe in full faith that you are changed.
For some people, that does take a while. For some people, that does take a lot of introspection, a lot of deprogramming, a lot of unpacking, a lot of deconstructing that old self image. But when you know how to deconstruct, alchemize, and reconstruct your self image, miracles can happen in the blink of any eye.
I have seen it! In my own life and in the lives of my clients. It’s truly incredible, and frankly indescribable. It is possible when you stop dealing in the realm of possibility.
A lot of people would say it’s just not possible to regain your sight in an instant if you’ve been blind your whole life. It’s not logical, realistic or feasible. And if you’re operating in the world of reality, then you’re right!
But once you extend yourself beyond reality and you operate within the realm of God’s power, then time doesn’t exist. Everything is a God centered perspective. This is ultimately where I direct everyone when they are reconstructing their self-image.
People tend to get lost between how to reconstruct their self image and how to know if their will is aligned with God’s will. So I ask them this question: is the self image that you are consciously and intentionally creating aligned with your highest purpose, with your greatest potential, with your Godhood?
God has promised you worlds without end. God has promised that your potential is eternal increase. It is mansions on high. It is creation beyond human understanding. God’s will for each and every one of us is eternal increase.
It’s kind of funny to me, (because I struggled with it too,) but I have so many people that ask how to know what is God’s will. He tells us all the time that His will is eternal increase and exaltation. If you want to align with God’s will for us, and receive exaltation, then it is incumbent on you to cast off the natural perceptions that cause you to be smaller than you are, cause you to be insecure, to self-sabotage, to cause you to believe that you are a deeply flawed, unlovable person.
Inevitably, this will impact who/how you date.
You have to consciously start crafting an image of yourself that is aligned with someone who is a God. If your self image as you hold it right now does not allow you to have every possible luxury of life or creation power imaginable, then you are selling yourself short. And that’s just it. If your self image, your will for yourself, what you want, is less than your eternal increase, then you are out of alignment. That’s the only question that you ever have to ask yourself: “What’s God’s will for me? What should I do in this situation?”
Do what gives you more life, what gives you eternal increase, what provides you with the fullest experience.
Create an image about yourself that you can do anything, have anything, be anything. And know that no matter how much space you choose to take up or how brightly you shine or how much love you want to have or give, or how much money you want for yourself, you WILL connect with someone who loves and accepts all of that about you!
But it HAS to start with you. YOU have to accept you. And then you’ll be able to share yourself–your whole self–with someone else.
Start today. Start now.
And if you need help, email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Love you, and I hope this helps!
LDS Dating Coach & Expert
Podcaster of “With Love, From Liv”
Liv Talley is an LDS dating and relationship coach, lifestyle mentor, and published author of the book: Sorry, You’re Not Perfect. She has helped singles find love, get married in the temple, and build exceptionally blessed lives through in-depth mindset coaching and personal acceptance/self-compassion.
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