Hi loves,
You’re here because you struggle with dating–right? You’re following all the IG accounts, reading the blog posts, attending singles activities, and so far nothing is working for you.
That’s frustrating.
How much content can you consume before it works for you?!
In fact, you CAN actually be consuming too much dating content, talking about it too much, and being generally too focused on your dating situation to be sabotaging yourself. Unfortunately, the solution to your problem won’t be found by focusing endlessly on your problem!
AND truthfully, you’ve got to stop believing that being single is a problem. It’s okay to not be married right this second. Your identity/value/sense of self-worth cannot and should not be found in your relationship status! Yet that is precisely what you’re training your mind to believe when you worry obsessively about it.
Burying yourself in “single” content (singles complaining about being single, sitcoms that make dating a joke, reality tv shows, etc,) is actually perpetuating your situation.
Here’s why:
- You can’t get out of a situation by seeing yourself IN the situation
- Consuming too much of ANYTHING is detrimental
- By focusing on dating too much, you’re creating desperation in yourself
If you feel like you “need” to get married, marriage becomes a solution to a perceived problem and not a natural step in a progressing relationship with someone you see yourself with long-term. You don’t need to get married! Marriage is something to want. It’s a promise to continue loving someone forever. And if you feel like you NEED that to be happy, you’re thinking about it the wrong way!
It’s understandable that you may be worrying yourself into viewing marriage this way when we commonly use phrases like “looking for my other half,” or “you’re my everything,” and “you complete me!”
Our society has taken love and made it co-dependent.
Which is not healthy…
You don’t need someone to complete you. You’re whole all on your own! Your divine identity isn’t contingent, and it doesn’t change based on whether or not you’re in a relationship.
So STOP identifying yourself in your single status! It doesn’t mean anything that you’re single–except what YOU believe it means.
As long as you’re creating meaning that being single means you are a loser, spinster, failure, loner, whatever, you’re going to be calling in experiences that validate those beliefs. In other words, you’ll make them true by dwelling on them.
Or at least, you’ll believe that’s what’s true for you, and you’ll see evidence of it everywhere you look…
UNLESS you start focusing your attention on how you can actually be more attractive! And while I do mean that literally–as in, you can see a physical shift in how you present yourself–I also mean you’ll start drawing more people to you naturally.
Instead of obsessing over your dating life, what if you started dreaming about your life overall?
Are you doing the hobbies you love?
Do you genuinely enjoy your job?
Where would you love most to live?
How can you cultivate more fulfillment in your day-to-day?
When was the last time you took a trip that’s on your bucket list?
There is SO MUCH you can do to enjoy your life right now. You absolutely don’t have to wait until you’re married to live a life you’re excited about! And the more you do experience the love you can cultivate within your life as a single, the easier dating is going to be for you.
This isn’t the tired old advice “stop looking for love and it will find you!”
I’m not here for that. Rather, I’m very much telling you to hold to the intention and desire to get married and to date successively. Just not as the main focus of your life!! Or even as the majority focus. Let it be something you’re aware of, but keep your focus on the overall quality of how you live consistently, and you’ll come across the types of people that would want to share it with you.
I met my husband in DC. (Where I decided to move to because I love politics and history.) Specifically, we met at his house because his roommate invited me over to participate in Come Follow Me.
Again, doing something that I loved!
We got to know each other by showing up (independently/without prior communication,) at MULTIPLE social events, and our first date was going to a show at the Kennedy Center that we both wanted to see.
The person you’re going to marry is most likely hanging out at all the places you would be hanging out at if you let yourself live your life more fully.
Couples meet on singles cruises. Or in their wards. On hiking trails. At square dancing. And of course, on Mutual Dating App!
You can meet someone literally anywhere. But the person you’ll be the most compatible with can usually be found exactly where you like to be!
I know without a doubt, at least one person that reads this will say/think: “well what if I just like to hang out at home??” Hello!! There’s an app for that 😉
Your person is searching for you, too. I promise you that.
And you can get the love you want…now! Literally, right now. Start with you. Then start looking for more ways that you can love your life. Before you know it–you’ll have someone asking to add more love to this beautiful life you’re already living.
Finding them, though, is going to be a much easier and much more FUN journey, if you don’t stress about it too much and just live. Trust. And create the best life you can that a marriage will only COMPLIMENT.
You’re going to be just fine.
I love you.
Xo,
Liv Talley Dating Coach
PS! You can find more life building inspiration by giving me a follow on IG: @livtalley_coach
Liv Talley
Liv Talley is an LDS dating and relationship coach, lifestyle mentor, and published author of the book: Sorry, You’re Not Perfect. She has helped singles find love, get married in the temple, and build exceptionally blessed lives through in-depth mindset coaching and personal acceptance/self-compassion.
It’s an insightful post. A real way to attract what you want is by imagining it and then working towards it. That’s faith with work, right?
Now I’m going to plan and save towards having vacations💃💃💃 HELLO WORLD 🔈🔉🔊🔊