Written by Liv Talley, LDS Dating Coach & Expert
Hello my loves,
This post goes out to you if you’ve ever been told that you’re single because it’s just “not the right time.”
Or that dating is a numbers game.
Both pieces of advice are inaccurate about your situation–and in my professional opinion as a dating coach, they’re actually harmful for you to believe! And before you start defending “God’s timing” in an attempt to validate these two statements, let me just remind you that God doesn’t operate on time.
Time/timing is a man-made construct and thus is only comprehended by man (and woman). So why do we cleave so much to the idea of something WE made up, to describe how our lives will unfold?
This is not a rhetorical question, and I have an answer: we comfort ourselves with the idea of timing because that absolves us from our own responsibility.
The same is true for when you believe that if you just go on enough dates, you’ll find your eternal companion! In either scenario, the outcome is something you can receive by action. It places the power of receiving what you want outside of you. This is a recipe for frustration.
Dating successfully *needs* to be more intentional than that! And YOU have to be more involved in the process of your forever relationship.
Stop leaving the most important commitment you’ll ever make, up to the external. I promise God is still deeply involved when you make your decisions how/when you want to, instead of waiting for His permission and calling it “timing”. That’s why He gave you AGENCY!
And what’s truly deceptive about waiting for time or enough dates to make you feel like you finally find success in romance, is that they CAN’T give you that feeling.
You’re seeking action to override your belief. A belief rooted in fear. The only reason you’d be relying on the perception that going on so many dates will eventually bring you forever is that you’re afraid that you won’t find someone by just being.
As if love and the promise of a companion have to be earned??
No way. You’re literally designed to have a partner. Your divine nature is increase and creation–which cannot be done without someone else. So you don’t need to worry about the “how” or “when” of finding someone!
Rather, your energy and effort ought to be spent on the “what” and the WHO.
Meaning: WHAT do you believe is true for you when it comes to dating…
Do you believe you’re going to be single forever?
Do you believe you don’t have any control over when you get married?
Do you believe you’re behind because you aren’t married yet?
Even deeper is considering: how do you believe dating GOES for you?
If you subscribe to the idea that dating goes poorly for you, that you only attract people that you’re not attracted to, or you don’t get to date someone wonderful right now–your reality will reflect that.
No matter how many dates you go on, you will continue repeating the patterns that support your BELIEF. Regardless of the action you take. This is why the number of dates you go on (and your age) doesn’t ultimately matter!
Getting married at 20 or 39 is a decision.
When you make a decision that you believe is true, your subconscious has no choice but to direct your actions to make it a reality.
If you tell yourself that you won’t get married for 10 more years, (and you genuinely believe it,) that’s a decision that your actions will validate in your reality. And if you act contrary to your beliefs, that’s where you become miserable. Even if your actions come from a place of *wanting* a new belief!
Success and happiness in dating come from ALIGNMENT.
In other words, acting in congruence with your beliefs, which honor your desires! If you desire to be in a happy, healthy relationship–but don’t believe you can be–your actions will eventually validate your belief and sabotage any prospects you may have.
**When you aren’t in alignment, you repeat the same dating experiences over and over and over again!
Your conscious, subconscious, and actions are designed to work together like a machine.
Your conscious = your desires
Your subconscious = your beliefs
Your actions = your body working to validate your beliefs
Unfortunately, your actions cannot override your beliefs, and your beliefs ALWAYS override your desires.
Your actions can only work to validate your beliefs. So even if you consciously act contrary to, or different from your beliefs to support your desires–your actions will eventually sabotage your desires to serve your beliefs.
This is why you can’t “out date” a bad attitude!
Instead, you need to understand your belief and why it isn’t matching your desires. And then you have the ability to CHOOSE a new belief for yourself, which your actions will work to bring into your reality.
This is also what’s commonly referred to as *manifesting* and the scriptures outline this process many times!
Feel free to follow along on my IG (livtalley_coach) for more tips and breakdowns on how you can step into your most successful season of dating right now.
LDS Dating Coach & Expert
Podcaster of “With Love, From Liv”
Liv Talley is an LDS dating and relationship coach, lifestyle mentor, and published author of the book: Sorry, You’re Not Perfect. She has helped singles find love, get married in the temple, and build exceptionally blessed lives through in-depth mindset coaching and personal acceptance/self-compassion.
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